My birth experience:
Stats:
Emmett Thaddeus James Forehand was born at 8:01pm on 9/29/09. He weighed 8 pounds 8 oz, 21 inches long, and had apgars of 9 and 9.
Things I didn’t expect:
Swelling for 2 weeks- my legs got HUGE, not just my feet. And they were still like that when I came home.
Itchy- The couple of days after I gave birth I was really itchy all over, especially my boobs. Not sure why, or if that was c-section specific or what, but I was super itchy.
Nipples shedding- The parts of my nipples that had gotten darker just flaked away. They’re back to their pre pregnancy color, but the dark fell off, which was weird.
No driving- Not allowed to drive for 2 weeks.
Trust insticts/self- I felt like I wouldn’t like the shower and I didn’t. I felt like I may have a c-section and I did.
Monday September 28th 2009 at 2 pm I went to my 39 week appointment at my Drs office. This was the first and only visit where someone came with me, Travis came to do shopping after and stayed in the waiting room. My feet had been swelling really bad since Thursday, and the dr decided that because of the swelling and resulting higher blood pressure, baby needed to come now. He asked if I could check into the hospital at 8 that night. He told me they would be starting Cervidil that night, and pitocin in the morning atfter 12 hours. He also said that my body was not in a very favorable condition for induction and that I may end up with a c-section.
Travis and I left and I was feeling pretty nervous. We went shopping at Walmart for regular groceries and food for him since I wouldn’t be home. Then we stopped at Sams club to pick up his contacts and ate there. I couldn’t eat as much as I usually can because I was nervous and a little upset at being induced. When we got home I started putting together the rest of my bag. I called my sister and let her know what was going on. We decided that Travis would take me to the hospital and stay with me for a couple hours, and Lisa would come in the morning before they started the pitocin.
I took a shower, finished getting everything I needed together, and spent a few min loving on my dogs, and we were off.
We got to the hospital around 8:15. They had me change into the gown and get in bed. They checked my cervix which was still at 2 cm (where I had been for 2 weeks) or ‘maybe at 3’ Then they hooked me up to the IV which honestly was probably one of the worst parts of the entire experience. Travis was there and held my hand and Im very very glad I had someone because it HURT. She got it wrong the first time and hit something, and when she did the second one the first one still hurt bad. I layed in the bed and just cried a bit because of the IV- I hate them. Someone from the lab also came and drew blood, but that wasn’t as bad. Travis still held my hand, and it still pinched, but it was the easiest blood draw this whole pregnancy.
At 9:45 they inserted the cervidil. They said that I had to stay in bed for 1 hour, and I could eat after 2. We decided that Travis would stay until I could eat, then get me food before he left. We spent the couple hours just hanging out and watching tv. At 11:30 he left and came back around midnight with McDonalds. Im SO happy he brought me that meal, as it turned out to be the last one for about 36 hours.
He left around 12:30, and I was alone for the night. I mostly watched TV and drifted in and out. I was having really bad hip pain for some reason, and I guess they were contractions, but it felt a lot better to sit up than anything else. They made me lay on my side for an hour close to morning time and that was horrible, it hurt so bad laying like that, but once I got to sit back up and be on my back I felt better.
The nurse came and took out the cervidil around 7am. I got checked and was at 4cm. My doctor was already pushing me to get an epi, but I didn’t want to yet. He was worried I guess because of my hip pain all night, but it wasn’t anything unbearable, so I said no for now.
My sister Lisa got there around 7:30 while they were pumping me full of fluids. You have to have 2 bags of fluid before an epi, and since my dr was pushing one they wanted to get the fluids in me just in case. With the last bag of fluid they also hooked up the Pitocin, around 8am.
From there it was pretty much just me and my sister talking for a long time. They checked me again around 9, and I was at 5 cm. I could see the contractions on the monitor, and I could see the number that went with them. They were getting really high- the number went up to 120, but I didn’t feel them too much. They got it so that I could stand up and that helped them too- it felt a lot better to stand than laying in the bed.
They checked me again at some point and the nurse said I was at 6 or 7, but my doctor came in and checked me at 11 and said I was still at 5. He never seemed to agree with the nurses ideas of where I was. Up until then I had been fine laboring without anything, I could feel the contractions but I didn’t do any breathing or anything. My sister said she wouldn’t have been able to tell I was having contractions except I said ‘ouch’ at the peak of them a couple times. But when my doctor checked me around 11 he decided they needed to break my water to speed things up and that it would tell them a lot about the state of the baby. He broke my water at 11:15, and it was clear, which seemed to surprise him- I guess he thought the baby was in more distress than he was or something. Getting my water broken felt really gross, there was just a lot of gushing and warm spreading out- it felt nasty.
After my water was broken I started feeling the contractions way worse. The number on the monitor was only around 50 and it felt as bad as before when it was above 100. They started me on a bag of fluid so that I could get the epidural because it was hurting pretty bad, and not much really helped. I could breath through them but I could tell that I didn’t want to keep going with it. It took them a while to get the fluids started and finished, she said it should only take like 15 min to get the bag done and it took close to 45 min, but my sister helped me and I managed okay.
The guy came in to give me my epidural around 1. It hurt a little bit, but the worst part was trying to sit up in the bed and get far enough back. It stung, and then I felt something push further, and then it felt like a drip of water going down my back but on the inside. The epidural really helped, I was able to take a couple cat naps after that. I hadn’t really slept yet and I was getting really tired. Lisa left at 2 to go get some food, and I slept for most of that. My friend Phil was texting me, and he came to visit for a couple hours around 3-5 or so.
They checked me some time after the epi but Im not sure when, and I was around 7. The next time I remember being checked it was at 3:45 and I was at 9 cm. They said they would come back in an hour to try pushing.
I started feeling contractions again around 4- we weren’t sure if the epidural was wearing off or if they were just getting stronger, but it seemed weird that it didn’t last very long. I started to get feeling back in my legs and we figured it was wearing off a bit, so they gave me another dose around 5 or 5:30. They checked me at 5:30 and I was fully dilated but with a lip- I was at 10 one way and 9 the other. They had me push a couple times and tried to kind of move it but they couldn’t and didn’t want me to tear. They had me practice push a little too, but stopped because it was making me swell. My doctor said at 5:45 that he would give it til 6:30, and if there was no progress by then we would go to a c-section.
They told me to tell them if I got any strong pushing urges. I felt pressure with each contraction, but not pain. The pressure was usually in my back though. After a few min I started feeling more pressure in the front, and after a couple more contractions a couple times I felt a lot of pressure and kind of an urge to push. My sister got someone and the nurse checked me at around 6:15 and said I was fully dilated- I had gotten past the lip. The baby was still really high though- he was at -2.
They had me push for maybe around an hour. They had me laying down and then when a contraction hit I had to sit up and hold my legs and push for 10 seconds, breath, push for another 10, breath, push again, breath and push again. They had me try on my side for a couple contractions, and then on my other side for a couple. The nurse kept her hand up in me with the pushes which I wasn’t expecting but I guess she was feeling for baby. I got good pushes in- they said I was doing everything right and after some they would say specifically that that was a good one, but baby just wasn’t moving. He got to -1 station, but no lower than that.
At 7:30 my doctor came in and said he wanted me to have a c-section. He sounded like he was trying to talk me into it- he kept saying how he had been doing this for a long time, and it was best for me and baby to get him out now, because his heart rate was too high and he just wasn’t moving at all. He really didn’t need to talk me into it, by then I had kind of assumed I was going to have one and I was ready. I got a little ping of fear but only for a couple min. Lisa was a lot more freaked out by it than I was I think. The hardest part was that I was now really feeling the contractions and needing to push, and they were trying to get me ready to go and have me do stuff like put on the hair net thing, and it was hard to do while in the middle of contractions. When they told me I was having a c-section I texted Travis and we talked for a min, that helped a little too. They wheeled me to the OR and got me set up on the table. I had had the shakes all day, Im not sure what caused them but I was just really shaky the whole time. It was really bad in the OR and I couldn’t keep my left arm down- it was shaking too bad. I expected them to strap my arms down but they didn’t.
They gave me another stronger dose of the epidural, but they weren’t sure if it was going to work. It did though, I started going numb. They started poking random spots on me and asking if I could feel anything. Most of the time I couldn’t feel anything and the times I could it didn’t hurt, I could just feel it. My sister came in and was sitting on my left. They started the surgery, and I felt a lot of… Im not sure what. It wasn’t the pushing and pulling people describe, just an odd sensation. I was really really tired by this point and I was drifting in and out anyway, but what I felt of it just felt like someone poking around on me. They got him out and he was screaming. He was born at 8:01pm. They never held him over the tent like I thought they would, but took him away right away. I could hear him screaming really loudly, and told my sister he had a funny cry. My sister was taking pictures over the tent, and she came and showed me a picture of the baby. I remember someone saying something about a him, and asked that he was for sure a boy, and they said yes. I looked at 2 or 3 of the pictures my sister took, and that was the first time I was able to see him. Then I mostly went to sleep. They bundled him up and brought him over to me, and held his face next to mine, so I could see him for real. Someone said something about trying to kiss me or him or something, so I made kissing noises at him but I couldn’t reach him. Then he and my sister left for my room for his first bath and that stuff. I went to sleep while they stitched me up.
When I heard his cry, and when I saw him, I didn’t have that instantly in love with my baby moment. I loved him in that he was cute, and he was A baby and I love all the babies like that, I certainly cared for him, but I didn’t have that ‘this is my baby I love him so much, I would do anything for him’ moment. At this point I think maybe other people could still have been more important to me.
I woke up around 10 in a room that I guess is the recovery room. I was only awake there for a few minutes, so I didn’t see much of it. When I woke up they were trying to get him to nurse, and I woke up and nursed him a little. I remember it feeling funny but not being bad. He nursed a little on each side, and I remember a nurse saying something about I may not remember this later, but I do. Then Im not sure where he went. I went back to sleep, and the next time I woke up I was back in my room around 11.
They put these things on my legs that squeezed them one at a time all night, to prevent blood clots from having to stay in the bed. The baby was in his little bassinett next to my bed, and my sister was on a chair on the other side of the bed. I dozed on and off all night. I guess the baby was more awake than I was because Lisa says she was awake all night, and I remember waking up a couple times to her walking around the room with the baby.
What they say about newborns being awake for an hour after birth, eating, then sleeping for a day was definitely NOT true for him. He was hungry again very soon and wanting to nurse. Lisa and I struggled to get him on me. He liked to have his hands right by his face, and kept getting them instead of me. Also, being stuck in the bed, I just didn’t have enough room to hold him where he needed to go. I couldn’t get him into a position where he could reach me because the back of the bed was where his feet should be, and I couldn’t hold him in front of me because of my incision. We managed to nurse once on my left breast, but the next time he needed to nurse my sister wanted me to nurse on my right, and it just wasn’t working. My left breast had been the one that was producing more colostrum my entire pregnancy, it leaked a lot while my right one only leaked a drop or 2 every now and then. I think part of it was that even when we got him on, nothing was coming for a few seconds and he got frustrated. He is also a biter. When something is in his mouth that he likes, he clamps down hard. Lisa actually has a video from the first few minutes that we found later, when the nurse is testing his palate you can hear her go ‘oh, you’re a biter!’
Im also really really sensitive, and it was hurting me really bad. We called a nurse in to try and help us get him to latch, and we tried on my left breast again, but it was getting really frustrating for everyone. He was really hungry and wanting to eat and kept getting his hands, and I was crying from it hurting- it felt like glass on my nipples when the nurse said he wasn’t even on them, just brushed up against them. I also still hadn’t eaten since Travis had brought me my midnight meal the night before, and I was crying randomly just out of hungry- I felt terrible.
So we decided to give him a bottle at least that time. The nurse said it was a good idea because it was obviously stressing me out and it wasn’t going to be a good experience for either one of us if it hurt me THAT bad when he wasn’t even on me, and it was making me cry so much. So we brought him a bottle and I fed him.
Around 9 in the morning the nurse came in and helped me stand up for the first time. She commented on how well I was doing, and I got up fairly easily. I was still crying a lot, but it was all out of hungry, I just wanted to eat and I wasn’t allowed to until the doctor cleared me. She had me walk to a chair and sit for a few min, and hold the baby. Then she had me go to the bathroom. That felt pretty weird, it was kind of hard to go the first time- I couldn’t really feel if I was pushing or not and some would come then nothing then some more would come. It was pretty weird, but it didn’t really hurt. It stung a little bit at first but that was all. The nurse had me use one of the little spray bottles to clean the blood off with and helped me put on the mesh underwear and one of the hospital pads. Then she had me go back to the chair for a bit.
Baby was hungry again and my sister asked if I wanted to try and nurse or give him a bottle, but I just didn’t feel up to nursing. The nurse said she would send in the lactation consultant anyway to talk to me about it, but we decided for the most part to stick with formula.
Around 10 they finally gave me the okay to eat and I ordered and ate breakfast, which helped SO much. I felt a TON better. Lisa left around 11, and then it was just me and baby. I had to call a nurse every time I needed to pick him up because I was still stuck in bed (after they got me back in bed they told me to stay there for a while longer). After a couple hours a different nurse came in and told me to start getting up and walking around. I was able to get up without her help and was walking around just fine. Then I was taking care of baby all by myself. I spent the day feeding him and changing him and going through all the papers they gave me, sorting out the ones that I didn’t need in the room. The lactation consultant came in and talked to me and agreed that with everything else, it was best for both of us if I just stuck to formula. She went over about how much of the bottle he should take at once, and how long he should go between feedings.
Lisa came back around 4 with April and Tessa, my nieces. They visited and held baby, and we just talked a bit. My friend Deanna and her boyfriend Mike came to visit too, and he was awake the whole time visitors were there. I was just sitting there holding him and everyone was awwing at him. Travis stopped by with some things I needed from home on his way to a concert with Shelter. He held the baby and Lisa took all of our pictures. Everyone commented on how much hair he had. Then my friends left and it was just Lisa and April and Tessa. My sister made some foot prints for me- Travis had brought cardstock from home for them. We visited for a while and talked about how we were doing, and then they left and it was just me and baby again.
He got really fussy for an hour while I was trying to eat dinner. I ended up holding him and eating at the same time for most of it. He finally calmed down a bit after the nurse came and took his vitals, and she got him swaddled really tight and he went to sleep for a little bit. Jen and Enrique stopped by to see me, but only stayed for a few min. I fed the baby and he was back to sleep. My doctor came and checked my incision and said it looked good. They wanted me to get the dressings off of it that night. That kind of freaked me out to do it myself because Im really squeamish with stitches and staples and stuff like that, and I had never had them before. I didn’t want to pull the tape off of them myself.
I didn’t sleep too much that night. The baby was awake a lot and when he slept I filled out his birth certificate paperwork, and the other paperwork they needed. I managed to get all my dressings off and I was talking to Travis a bit when his concert got out. I finally got to sleep around 4.
We had been told that we could go home on Thursday- Wednesday morning the babys doctor said he could go home tomorrow, and Wednesday night my doctor said I was good to go. But Thursday morning they came in and said his billiruben levels were too high and they wanted to keep him one more night. I was still mostly asleep around then, but I really crashed. I had wanted to go home so bad, and had already had Travis ready to take me home. They got me out of bed at 9 and had me take a shower while they fed the baby. The shower honestly was pretty crappy. I got in and out as fast as I could and got dressed again- I just felt like crap in there and wanted to be back in bed. When I got out baby was sleeping peacefully, and they said he had taken a whole bottle, so he would be out for a while. I ordered breakfast and when I ate I just started crying. I was really upset that I didn’t get to go home, and still pretty tired and crappy feeling.
A nurse came in and got Emmett set up on a billy blanket. He had to spend the day on it to get his billiruben levels down to normal. I managed to sleep for a couple more hours and felt a little better. Lisa came and visited from around 11 til 2:30. We had lunch together- they give you a celebration meal after baby is born where you get fancy food like steak and lobster tail and stuff like that. Ashley came to visit while she was there too, but she only stayed for half an hour or so. Long enough to see the baby and talk a little, and left.
Lisa and I decided that since I had to stay an extra night, if Travis could come that night and bring me food and watch the baby a little, she would take me home. So I tried to get a hold of Travis but I couldn’t for a while. After Lisa left I napped. I started really trying to get a hold of Travis around 3pm because he still thought he was taking me home. I finally got him around 4. That was probably my worst time. I was in a lot of pain and having trouble constantly getting up to go to baby. I just wanted to go home and now we weren’t allowed. I was almost crying while on the phone with him. He said he would come around 9.
Around 6 the baby needed to be fed. I was feeling a lot better- in a lot less pain. We sat down for him to eat and that’s when everything just clicked. I fed him and watched him and almost cried and was just really happy. That was MY baby and I loved him. That was the first time everything really clicked into place and it was all good. It was Thursday night, and he was already almost 48 hours old.
The next couple hours he spent mostly in his bassinett and I was just taking care of him and killing time. I had dinner and waited for Travis. He got there at 9. I was feeling a lot better, and having someone around helped a lot too. He had brought me food. It was really hard for me to go from 6:30 pm til 7am without a meal, since that’s when I was normally awake at home and having dinner. So we hung out in my room and watched TV and I ate and took care of the baby a little. Then he watched the baby so I could clean up a little more. He left around 11 and took some stuff home with him that I didn’t need.
Then I was going around the room getting everything ready. We were almost for sure going home the next day, so I tried on some clothes to see what I could wear, and got his going home outfit out and packed everything up in between feeding him. I went to sleep for a couple hours, but when he woke up to eat he went back to sleep and I couldn’t. I was crying a little bit but happy tears, not like before, and I just couldn’t sleep because I loved him too much. I took a lot of pictures that night- of what I looked like, and of him- his tiny fingers and tiny toes and his belly and everything. I didn’t want to forget how little he was.
I finally got to sleep for a couple hours in the early morning. The babys doctor came in at 7:30 and said he was okay to go home but we had to take a billy blanket home with us. He left to write orders and didn’t come back. I ate breakfast and waited around. The next time I saw someone was when the Deadra brought me my pills to take and said we were good to go home- this was around 9. She said she had a couple other patients to go to and then she would be back to go through all the release papers.
Lisa got there around 10, and once she got there I started getting up and getting bags together and she would take them out to the car when they were ready. Deadra came back around 11 and went over all the info on caring for myself and baby, and gave us all the papers like his for show birth certificate with his foot prints. The hearing lady came back in at some point in the morning to retest his hearing too- he had the test every morning because he failed, and he still hasn’t passed, but we’re waiting to talk to his doctor about what to do next. We got everything packed up and were finally ready to go around noon.
We stopped at Walmart on the way home to put my prescriptions in to get filled, and we got some newborn diapers, bibs, formula, bottles, and pacifiers. Then we were finally ready to go home. Lisa stayed and brought everything in for me, and got some stuff unpacked and then she had to go.
A medical supply company delivered a billy blanket for him to sleep on that day. When Travis got up I sent him to pick up my prescriptions. I was hurting a bit more that day than I had been, but probably just from walking so much. We had kind of a hard night. He didn’t want to sleep on his blanket in his crib, he kept crying. I ended up sitting on the couch holding him and napping there a bit. He finally let me put him in his crib with the blanket around 2 am. Then around 6 am Travis took us to the ER to get his blood taken. They called with results around 9, and said he didn’t have to go on the blanket that day.
Sunday morning and Monday morning we had to go back to the ER for blood draws, but he didn’t have to be on the blanket except Friday. Since then its gotten a lot easier. Im doing my normal around the house stuff and feel normal.
I had my staples taken out on Tuesday, and baby had his first dr visit on Thursday. Now we’ve been home a week, and everything is good. The only thing I don’t like is how much sleeping I need to do. I fall asleep really early even though I want to be awake at night. Then I still need to sleep during the day. I feel like I have 12 hour days and sleep the other 12. But I guess Ill adjust to that in time, its just because my sleeping is getting interrupted so much by a hungry baby.
I find that I get lonely a lot easier now. Every day I’ve just randomly started crying. I miss Lisa because I haven’t seen her since Sunday. I find myself missing Travis just because he’s sleeping when I’m awake and I’m sleeping when he’s awake. Most of the day I feel find, but I randomly just feel really lonely. I can tell my hormones are out of whack- I’m crying more now than when I was pregnant. But I’m not really sad or anything, just randomly feel bad for a while and then it passes. Since I’ve been home I’ve cried because I should have breast fed the baby, because I missed the hospital, because I miss Lisa, and because I miss Travis, or am just lonely. New things cried about: thinking about the baby dying, knowing he will grow up but Ill always remember holding him when he’s little, getting pregnant so easy when Brian and Ali have tried for 8 years. But its getting better, and its not even that bad to begin with. For the most part I feel really good, and like I was meant for this. I just wish I could stay awake longer. I hate crashing around 1am when I’ve only been up since like 3pm.
Times:
Cerivdil came out at 7am- checked, I was at 4 cm
Lisa arrived at 7:30am
Pitocin started at 8am
Checked around 9 and I was at 5
Broke my water at 11:15- clear, still at 5
Got epi around 1
Was at 9 cm at 3:45
Epi wore off a bit around 4, got another dose around 5 or 5:30
Stuck with lip at 5:30- 9 cm but lip
At 5:45 told if no change by 6:30, going to C.
Felt more pushy pressure around 6:10
Full 10 cm around 6:15
Practice pushes after fully dilated
Tried pushing for about 30min-1 hour around 6:30-7:30
Went for C at 7:30
Baby born at 8:01
Woke up in recovery room nursing around 10:30
Back in my room around 11.
Dozed on and off all night, tried nursing, super sensitive, opted for formula
Got up for the first time around 9am
Lisa left at 11am
Started walking around a bunch around 1 pm
Lisa came back around 4 pm with April and Tessa.
Deanna and Mike visited around the same time
Shelter and Travis stopped at 4:30 on the way to concert
Everyone gone by 6
Baby super fussy for an hour
Took off my dressings
Awake a lot of night
Thursday-
Slept for a couple hours early morning- got checked by dr and babys dr- told we had to stay 1 more night because baby had Jaundice.
Forced me to shower around 9
Crashed, cried.
Baby on billy blanket
Lisa visited from 11 ish til 2:30
Crashed- tired, lots of pain.
Talked to Travis around 4, almost crying. Arranged for him to come that night.
Everything clicked around 6
Travis got there at almost 9, stayed til about 11. While he was there I showered and ate and he helped me get dressed.
Tried on clothes and packed up for morning.
Couldn’t sleep because I loved the baby too much.
Slept for a couple hours early morning.
Friday-
6am tested billy ruben levels again.
7:30 babys dr examed him, said could go home with Billy blanket.
9- ate breakfast
9:15- took pills, got vitals of me and baby , rested
10- lisa got there, hearing screening on baby
Slowly got ready to go, left at noon
Shopping trip
Home at 1:30
Travis picked up my pain meds
Had trouble getting baby to stay on billy blanket, had to hold him most of the night.
Saturday
7am, left for ER for blood draw
Levels down, no blanket today.
